Well, it’s all over.
My 22nd birthday has passed and I am officially graduated. Tomorrow is the start of grad school and I’m actually ready for it.
I had a list of things I wanted to do before I graduated and I’m not going to list what I accomplished and what I didn’t, but I do want to acknowledge the fact that I tried to become the person I wanted to be. Along the way, I learned a lot about my life and about myself, but the main thing I realized is that time is always moving and that terrifies me.
There’s so much I want to do in my life and I’m the person who likes to have a plan and a strategy. That’s not always the person I want to be, though. I’ve done so much in these past 4-5 months that required me to be spontaneous and I love that. I’ll probably still follow a plan and a straight path for the most part but I’m not scared of taking a step back and doing what I want to do versus just what I should do.
The concept of time just terrifies me because it’s always moving and it’s so relative – you know, the way time flies by faster when you’re having fun and is painfully slow when you want it to go by fast.
I’m ready for a new routine and I think grad school is just that. There’s so much I don’t want to change and there’s so much I wish for, but there’s also so much I have control over. I have the ability to become who I want to become and the thing I learned these past few months is that I have the option of being who I want to be every single moment of every single day.
To say I’m proud of myself and how far I’ve come would be an understatement. Sitting there today in the massive hall, amongst thousands of people, I felt euphoria. I felt pride. I felt moments of absolute happiness. And all of that came from within. I felt the presence of my family there – not just the family that was physically there, but the family that I have in my heart and who are always with me in spirit. I felt the presence of all the people I love with all of my heart and I felt proud that I’ve made them proud. That’s a feeling I strive for and hope to feel many many times.
I wasn’t supposed to make it. With my childhood and past, I was supposed to fail, time and time again.
I got here with the grace of God and with the love and support of some absolutely amazing people, without whom I wouldn’t be here right now – I honestly wouldn’t even be alive. They believed in me when I couldn’t believe in anything, they made me laugh and smile when nothing seemed worthwhile, they gave me reasons to live when I couldn’t find any, and most of all, they loved me – even, and especially, when I wasn’t deserving of love.
Family is the group of people you choose and who choose you back. I happen to have the most incredible family – both by blood and by bond. I am beyond blessed and beyond thankful.
The people I love are the people who keep me going and make me strive to be the best person I can be. Some of these people are in my life, some have left, some are yet to come, some had fleeting moments with me, some will stay forever, some will leave and some will come back. The people I love, truly love, are the people I consider my family and hold dearest and nearest to my heart and soul. I will spend the rest of forever loving these people and doing everything I can to express my love and gratitude to them.
Here’s to future endeavors, whatever they may be, and to the things that matter most in life.